Dear Hiiragizawa
by Mysteriol
Summary: An annoyed Syaoran writes a letter addressed to Eriol, offering tips on how to woo a certain Daidouji heiress, albeit doing so very, very reluctantly to his chagrin.


Cardcaptor Sakura

_A/N:_

_Apply standard disclaimer here. (If CCS was mine, I would have made Eriol wore contact lenses. Whee ) _

_Just a little experiment on Syaoran and Eriol's relationship if they were…ever friends. Erh. Yes, friends. I hope that didn't came out sounding like a foreign term. _

_mysterio000_

Dear Hiiragizawa,

Kuso! The liquid paper ran out of liquid, so I couldn't delete that 'dear' before addressing you. It sounded too much like I am respecting you or something, which is absolutely NOT true. Please wipe off that smirk on your face, Hiiragizawa, and do not even so much dare utter a word that considerably resembles, 'descendant' under your breath. Do not even mutter it, or you shall wake up in your bed the next day with five knuckles imprinted into your skull. That would be very nice.

Anyway, my letter has a purpose. Well, it is obvious, because that is why I would write to you in the first place. (Do you really think I would write to you if I had nothing better else to do? I would rather go kiss a cow or spend five hours squeezing milk out of it). Before you SMIRK again (gaaah! This is so irritating!), I want to say something.

STOP DROOLING OVER DAIDOUJI-SAN.

It's enough that she has an evil incarnate sitting behind her in Seijouu High. But to have his freaky blue eyes stuck onto her back all the time? Well, amend that, the probability that you end up staring her is 99/100 - that is, when Daidouji-san excuses herself to head for the washroom. I don't understand what is your problem! I do not see what is so interesting about Daidouji-san's back other than her hair. What are you trying to say? That she has lice, and it is very thrilling to see one of them jump out and assasinate you? (in my sweetest dreams). You are an absolute pervert, and be glad I chose to write to you rather than tell on your obsession with Daidouji-san to Sakura. She will unleash Dash on you and make you run all the way to America and back and leave you to wither and die. I do not care.

Daidouji-san is my friend, and she was the one who helped me a tremendous lot when I, well, none of your business, evil incarnate! Thus, her welfare is my concern, and I must do all I can to prevent a catastrophe from claiming her life, that is, YOU, from oogling at her for far too many times. I have tried many a times to tell Sakura that she is delivering her best friend into the hands of a mad, schizophrenic, Chesire cat grinning-man, but she ignores me and says you two make a perfect pair. Fine, since it is Sakura who says that, but YOU, you of all people, has to act like you have lice in your pants or something when you get to Daidouji-san.

I thought you were Clow! Clow Reed was powerful! You are half-Clow, right? You can possess yourself or hypnotize your guardians to hypnotize you in return to utter those three syllables to Daidouji-san, right? Maybe I was wrong. Gah, here's some advice. I know how irritating it is when you are about to confess, and a million times start to jump into your way. I heard you tried it once in your manor, and your oven just had to explode into smithereens when Ruby Moon accidentally forgot to turn off the oven for one week. That was very unfortunate, however, I understand your plight, evil incarnate.

I realized after a while that you are after all, half-Clow, and you are still a half-16 year old kid who knows nothing about girls. So I browsed through some books, and here are some good tips. Sakura chipped in a bit, and I edited the sentences a little to suit your situation.

1) When Daidouji-san is near you, do NOT smell her or try to guess the perfume she is wearing. She will think you are a pervert.

2) When Daidouji-san smiles at you, do NOT faint at all costs. Find a chair immediately, because your knees will go wobbly. (Kusoo! There was never a chair around back then when Sakura smiled at me!) Use your two index fingers and push your lips up so you maintain your expression by smiling back. If she asks why you need your fingers to do so, say that it is a new tradition you started today.

3) When Daidouji-san is happy, do NOT go up to her and say, "Wanna hang out today after school?" Probability of her giving you the cold shoulder is 1/100, and the probability of her not talking to you forever is 99/100. Hiiragizawa, even if you are a mighty jerk and the least favorite person on my list, do not try this at home or at school. It is hazardous to your health and will hinder your mental and physical growth spurt. This is not the time, as you are physically 16 after all, and has yet to pass puberty.

4) When Daidouji-san is sad, do NOT ask her if she is okay or not. Offer your shoulder. Do NOT take the chance to intimidate or freak her out with your ugly, ghastly eyes. Sakura tells me it is a major turn-off to intimidate girls.

5) Last but not least, if you get rejected, well, do NOT cry. It is never manly to cry.

I wish you all the best in pursuing the woman of your interest, Hiiragizawa, though keep in mind I still curse you every night before I sleep. I do not love jeopardizing my girlfriend's best friend's happiness, that is why I am writing this letter to you again to STOP DROOLING OVER DAIDOUJI-SAN, DO SOMETHING, AND GO FOR IT. To make you happy a little, Daidouji-san has confided in Sakura that she does feel something for you.

Do not faint. Get a chair now and sit down on it. If it's feeling a little hotter than usual, it's normal. Get Ruby Moon to turn on the air-conditioning. If your knees are suddenly numb, get Spinel Sun to massage it for you. You need to get your blood circulating back.

You get my drift, right? I did not write to you just so you can be happy and be a boyfriend that quickly. I am writing to you so that you will provide Daidouji-san her happiness as soon as possible. You are still freaky to me, and a mighty Class A Jerk from the toes to the head. If you dare HURT Daidouji-san even just a little, or pluck a strand of hair from her scalp, I shall MURDER YOU. To remind you a little, even though you are half-Clow, I am THE head of the Li Clan, and my clan is pretty big. Screaming girls in my family can do wonders as a form of weapon, let me warn you.

Daidouji-san has been a very good friend. I want to see her happy. If she comes to me and tells me something ungodly of you, you will see God the next day because I might have turn you into a spirit by then.

Till then, follow my advices and tips, and nothing should go miserably wrong. If you happen to end up in the same plight as mine where everything else interrupts your confession, well, you can always resort to casting Maze, locking Daidouji-san in a room, and making your confession alone.

WHAT AM I SAYING?

No, screw that, forget that I ever wrote this letter to you. WHY DID SAKURA EVEN MAKE ME DO THIS IN THE FIRST PLACE? KUSO! This letter is going into the dustbin. Now.

Never sincerely,

Li Syaoran

p.s. I hope you reincarnate into MY descendant in your next life.

_A/N:_

_Okay, that was definitely…weird. Syaoran was definitely…OOC as well. I mean, he's not that mean really, right? Even though we all know Hiiragizawa Eriol isn't always the number one person on his personal list. Hmm, erh, review, and be a nice person by making my day!_

_mysterio000 _


End file.
